I have never felt like this in my life, and I dont know what is doing this. Ive never felt so sad. The kind of sadness that makes you want to just sleep, and sleep, and sleep some more. Ive never felt so unmotivated in my life, I dont know what to live for. And i’ve been trying to push it back inside the crevices and holes but it doesnt work. Its overflown, and im so scared. Its real, and it keeps coming back like a ghost. Ive let it get so bad, ive lost weight, ive lost friends, im losing my mind. I keep putting on the Christian songs, and the smoke in my lungs, but its all bullshit and a medicine, not a cure. I dont know what to do, this is something you cant just tell people, because theyll just either drug you or push you to a person that listens with closed ears. Ive done so much good for myself, and ive worked so hard to satisfy myself. My mom wants nothing to do with her slut of a daughter, and neither do alot of people. All i do is bitch and complain to the one person i should be loving. I need a savior, I need a God, I need to believe in something, and anything. Im frantic, and im not faking.